Wednesday, April 22, 2009

Uppity Downity

I'm flapping and flopping around in a big puddle of anxiety. I hate it when that happens, as it's terribly uncomfortable. I'm just anxious about (flap flap flop) pretty much everything at the moment, but I will try to focus on one specific.

Nothing new, of course, just my currently dim author aura. (Low wattage, that one.) I am not commercial enough, either in my work or in my aspect, to attract attention. So, dim dim dim it goes.

But I don't want to dwell on it or get the self-sorries. Mostly I just want to comment on one of the things about being an artist that is true: you go up and you go down. I think (here I'm feeling superior to those who are successful) that if you are lucky you experience the downward turn at a lower level of popularity. Because if you are very popular and then you go down, well, that's crushing. But if you are not so high up and go down . . . okay, it's crushing, but at least you haven't yet begun to feel you're too big to fail. (Sorry. Couldn't help it.)

Of course, if you go up in popularity and stay there and never come down, well, this post ain't for you, so scram!

Anyway, I am grateful that I can see the arc of my work, and that after the depression of failure and loss comes acceptance. And--I am hopeful I will rise again! Which saying, in and of itself, makes me sound important. So there.


C.K. said...

I find your staying power and catalogue of work so inspiring, Kathleen!

I'm new at this (as far as being published goes) and already find thinking about the whole business end of things so tiring. I wish there was a way to just stay totally focused on writing and forget about the other concerns - reviews, sales, promotion.

Onwards and upwards! You will rise and rock.

Kathleen Jeffrie Johnson said...

Reviews! Sales! Promotion! Ick on all of it. (Well, I'm all for a good review.) It is despairing that we have to be businessmen and women as well as writers. It comes naturally so some authors, but not to this one. I'm too much a stumble bumble.