Thursday, December 11, 2008

Dis Heart End

This afternoon it is raining, raining, raining. As evening has come the sky has moved rapidly from gray to black. And it's cold out.

In some ways, these are the kinds of days I like best, though I don't like to be out in them--catching a bus, say, or walking home with a bag of groceries. No, I like to be safe inside, the inclement weather making my hibernation a good, logical choice, a great idea.

Fall has always been my favorite season. The short days, night coming early. It's not for everyone, I know, but it is for me, maybe because the shortened day feels stronger somehow. Muscular and tightly held, but powerful.

That is the way a good poem should be, in my opinion. Though of course there are many wonderful poems the exact opposite, loose and flowing warmly across the page. I have been thinking about poetry lately, saddened because I rarely write it anymore. Though it is there inside of me.

I didn't realize my later years would entail such a struggle between time spent in necessary but disheartening tasks, and time spent staring at a computer screen. The disheartening tasks have come as a surprise to me. Not because they are new, but because I am newly impatient. I used to say nothing, in order to give my writing my full attention. Now, though, I find I say everything--or want to--and am just about unable to bear the incompetence which plagues certain aspects of my life.

So, writing a poem sounds good. Forget that which discourages me, turn inward, then fling the found words outward.

Except I'm so damn tired. That, apart from everything else, dis heart ends.

2 comments:

C.K. said...

Hi Kathleen,

I tried to send Christmas greetings to your website email but they bounced (technology is only intermittently my friend). Anyway, I wanted to wish you a happy holiday and all the best for 2009!

We've had a ton of snow up here already this December (50 centimetres since last Tuesday!) but we spent snow tire money on a Wii so I'm looking forward to playing that while we're stranded indoors. I hope the writing is going well for you. Take care!

Kathleen Jeffrie Johnson said...

C.K., thank you for your holiday wishes! I, too, wish you a good holiday and fullsome abundances in the new year. I am sorry your email bounced, but I understand. Technology is _never_ my friend.

The good thing about the Wii is that by the time the snow stops falling in March or April or May you'll be in really great physical shape to start digging!

Okay, now I have to go look up "centimetres". I hate it when I forget things I once knew . . . Which, these days, is pretty much everything. :-(